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When you can't get pregnant

It's frustrating - and worrying - when you can't get pregnant, despite trying for months and months. Many people tell you it will happen if you don't think about it. But just not thinking about it is impossible.

You try, month after month, the window is pretty small, and you’re making love like there’s no tomorrow (although, it’s not always fun when it just MUST be tonight) and nothing happens! The usual advice from well-meaning friends and family is to not think about it. Interesting advice. How can you not think about it when you spend most of your waking hours thinking about ovulation and menstruation – because you so want to get pregnant. You so want to be a parent.

And it’s just not happening.

It’s frustrating when nothing happens
For years, you probably used contraceptives and maybe worried about getting pregnant – but now when it’s full speed ahead and no obstacles, nothing happens. It almost drives you crazy.

And occasionally you may get crazy - sad, angry, and disappointed too. And you can feel very alone. You maybe haven’t told anyone that you’re trying, because it’s quite personal. So you walk around bottling up all this disappointment while others seem to get pregnant at the drop of a hat, having child after child. They perhaps ask a little cautiously of you: “When will you…”

To tell or not to tell?
Should you blame it on work or claim that you want to wait a little longer? Or tell the truth? That it’s just not happening. This will be followed by the same old useless advice: “Don’t think about it. I know someone who gave up trying, and got pregnant just like that.”

But it can’t be true, because then there’s no hope for the wishful – because you can’t not think about it.

Talk with a specialist
You might be tempted to try every kind of diet, treatment, and position. But the best advice is to continue life as normal; make love at the right times, eat a balanced diet, sleep well, and don’t stress.

Generally, you should wait at least one year before approaching a gynaecologist, but don’t hesitate to contact your GP if you need someone to talk to. Or chat to others here. It often helps to know you’re not alone.

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